Prairie Road Trip
Ochre, yellow, brown grey, brown grey, blue.Sulfur, slaughterhouse, then trucking fumes.Wind noise, rattle, crow's caw, roadside crew.Stop for pee break, smell the wild rose blooms.Broken down...
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With the whole first quatrain made of headless lines, I get set up to expect the pattern to continue. I think you could make it headless throughout, by eliminating a lot of articles and using...
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Maryann, thank you. I found your comments to be very useful. I hope my first edit is headed in the right direction.SincerelyStephen
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In L1 I think you mean "ochre" the color and not "okra" the vegetable? In any case, "ocra" is misspelled.
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Stephen--I rather like the choppy feel of this. The headless iambs at the head of each line capture something of the montage experience of a long drive. End-stopping your lines to this degree would no...
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Hi Mike,A sincere thanks for your very interesting comments. Its clear to me now that the deer reference doesnt fit, and not surprisingly, its the one element here I mostly fabricated. Im glad it...
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StephenI must admit that I enjoy reading your poetry, not for the sake of reading poetry but that you seem to be completely open to all and sundry of your critics. It may seem that I give a big rats...
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Thanks for your comments. Sorry I havent given you a better reason to read my poetry :-)I consider myself very much a beginner (sonnet writer, and poet). It follows that almost anyone here who...
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Hi Owl,Thanks for the suggestion (and for spotting my previous errors). I've come to realize they are two separate and very different phenomena. For example, rattles often come from the engine. So...
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Hi Stephen,I really enjoyed this - I think it picks-up the alluring monotony of driving long distances really effectively. (I've just returned from a 3000 mile round trip through France and Spain; I...
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I enjoy reading your poetry because it's real and unique and shows you care about the art.I like the way you capture the feel of sights passing by on a long drive... mentally taking notes to keep...
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Hi Alan,I'm very happy you enjoyed this. I've been thinking about your comments quite a bit and I think Ive found a cleaner ending. I really appreciate your input!...
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Dear Stephen,This is so descriptive, and flows so nicely. I like the wordiness of it -- brief scenes and experiences told in the same (almost abrupt) way that these things occur during a road...
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Did I not come back to say I like the rewrite? I like the rewrite. (thanks Katina for bouncing this back up)
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me too. ******************To have great poetry there must be great audiences, --Walt Whitman
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